2 Corinthians 10:5 ~ "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."
Answer me this? What comes first the action or reaction? Better asked, the thought or the emotion?
Yesterday I had one door open and another one shut. Hopes and dreams that had just recently been established in me, were crushed in a matter of moments. It hurt. It hurt really bad.
It actually uncovered a lie that was buried deep in me, that I was not even aware that was there. And that hurt even more. Last night my smile could not even hide it, though I surely tried.
There is a part of me that wants to curl up and hid right now. I want to get lost in this feeling of inadequacy and I am feeling. Cling to the things in my past that give "proof" of the lie that is being brought up in my head right now. But I know I can't do this. There is a greater truth that I am called to listen to, and heed to.
It is the truth that I am loved, and that God is in charge. It is the truth that he did not bring me this far to leave me now. I have to believe that he has great plans for me. They may not be what I thought they were, but I have to trust that it is sufficient. I have to trust that he is answering my prayers and placing me right where I need to be!
Maybe my other desires were selfish. Maybe I am just more needed where he is putting me. Regardless, it still hurts.
So while I have been able to apply this verse to my life, and take captive thoughts and make them obedient to God; I am finding that my emotions are not quite as quickly willing to comply.
Friday, April 20, 2012
Thursday, April 19, 2012
I WILL have all of that!
Isaiah 30:15 ~ This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength..."
This verse continues to say "but you would have none of that." None of that! No repentance. No rest. No quietness. No trust. No salvation or strength! Um...why? Why would anyone not want this? Or is it that we want this, but cannot figure out how to achieve it.
The verse says, in order to achieve it, we have to repent, rest, be quiet and trust. Is that really so hard? I would have to say....YES! For some of us more so than others.
I know for me, I am a dreamer. My mind is always racing with all of the possibilities of what could be. I am also a planner, a "beaver" type personality, who is always wanting to have everything prepared and in place. When I find myself lingering in moments of the unknown the whole dreamer/need to be prepared personalities collide within me and bring great anxiety.
For a "doer" to just rest and trust can be physically painful, not too mention what it does to our mental well being. But here is a funny thing. It is in "doing" that I seem to then find my rest.
This morning, my mind was moving so fast I could have almost cried. So I grabbed my Ipod and headed to the basement where I have more than enough mindless work to do. I spent the next hour folding and hanging clothes and reorganizing the laundry room, while listening to the "Dance 4 God" playlist. Through the words and the movements of my body, I found rest.
"This is the moment, it's on the line which way you gonna fall?....It's your life whatcha gonna do? The world is watching you. Everyday the choices you make, say of what you are and who your heart beats for."
That's right! I have people watching me. Am I going to freak out, or trust. Am I going to try and control and manipulate, or am I going to be quiet and know that you did not lead me on path of destruction, but one of abundance.
Yahweh, your dreams for me are bigger than any dream I could dream for myself. I trust that. I will rest in that. I will set my eyes and ears on you and let you lead me. I WILL have all of that! Thank you!
This verse continues to say "but you would have none of that." None of that! No repentance. No rest. No quietness. No trust. No salvation or strength! Um...why? Why would anyone not want this? Or is it that we want this, but cannot figure out how to achieve it.
The verse says, in order to achieve it, we have to repent, rest, be quiet and trust. Is that really so hard? I would have to say....YES! For some of us more so than others.
I know for me, I am a dreamer. My mind is always racing with all of the possibilities of what could be. I am also a planner, a "beaver" type personality, who is always wanting to have everything prepared and in place. When I find myself lingering in moments of the unknown the whole dreamer/need to be prepared personalities collide within me and bring great anxiety.
For a "doer" to just rest and trust can be physically painful, not too mention what it does to our mental well being. But here is a funny thing. It is in "doing" that I seem to then find my rest.
This morning, my mind was moving so fast I could have almost cried. So I grabbed my Ipod and headed to the basement where I have more than enough mindless work to do. I spent the next hour folding and hanging clothes and reorganizing the laundry room, while listening to the "Dance 4 God" playlist. Through the words and the movements of my body, I found rest.
"This is the moment, it's on the line which way you gonna fall?....It's your life whatcha gonna do? The world is watching you. Everyday the choices you make, say of what you are and who your heart beats for."
That's right! I have people watching me. Am I going to freak out, or trust. Am I going to try and control and manipulate, or am I going to be quiet and know that you did not lead me on path of destruction, but one of abundance.
Yahweh, your dreams for me are bigger than any dream I could dream for myself. I trust that. I will rest in that. I will set my eyes and ears on you and let you lead me. I WILL have all of that! Thank you!
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Unquestionable Trust
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. ~ Proverbs 3:5-6
Over the last week I have been faced with a lot of things that would beg me to question the Lord and if he is really paying attention to all of the things that are going on down here. Untimely deaths, people making choices that will destroy their lives and those who depend on them, manipulating circumstances, etc.
So many questions that seem to have no answer. Perhaps truly have no answer or explanation at all.
I remember years ago I started to write all of the questions that I had floating around in my head. All of the things that did not add up I just let it all out on paper. The paper ended up being 14 pages. FRONT and BACK!! I and wrote small too.
The funniest thing was at the end of this two day ranting I ended with a loud and resounding answer in my head. Well maybe not an answer as much as a reply. It was the verse "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding".
Well I was not fortunately strong enough at that time in my walk to accept this reply, and had to then spend the few years following that being humbled and refined. Praise be to God's grace, I came to a place of peace with this.
I do not have to understand or be able to see all that God is doing in a other's life. I do not have to even see where he is directing me in my own life. I trust him. Without question!
I know that he loves me. I know that he is good. I know that he came to bring life, and bring it abundantly. I know that he wants to know me, and know others. I know that life is going to happen. I know that he does not put me on a path to lead me to destruction.
So I guess instead of trying to find answers to so much that i do not know, and do not understand, I have decided that I am going to look to what I DO know!! And trust in that. Trust in him. Yahweh!
Over the last week I have been faced with a lot of things that would beg me to question the Lord and if he is really paying attention to all of the things that are going on down here. Untimely deaths, people making choices that will destroy their lives and those who depend on them, manipulating circumstances, etc.
Why do innocent people have to suffer?
Why do loved ones have to get sick? Or die?
Why does it seem that people who pay no attention to the Lord or his ways, seem to have everything go their way all the time?
Why aren't all of the desires of my heart met?
So many questions that seem to have no answer. Perhaps truly have no answer or explanation at all.
I remember years ago I started to write all of the questions that I had floating around in my head. All of the things that did not add up I just let it all out on paper. The paper ended up being 14 pages. FRONT and BACK!! I and wrote small too.
The funniest thing was at the end of this two day ranting I ended with a loud and resounding answer in my head. Well maybe not an answer as much as a reply. It was the verse "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding".
Well I was not fortunately strong enough at that time in my walk to accept this reply, and had to then spend the few years following that being humbled and refined. Praise be to God's grace, I came to a place of peace with this.
I do not have to understand or be able to see all that God is doing in a other's life. I do not have to even see where he is directing me in my own life. I trust him. Without question!
I know that he loves me. I know that he is good. I know that he came to bring life, and bring it abundantly. I know that he wants to know me, and know others. I know that life is going to happen. I know that he does not put me on a path to lead me to destruction.
So I guess instead of trying to find answers to so much that i do not know, and do not understand, I have decided that I am going to look to what I DO know!! And trust in that. Trust in him. Yahweh!
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Feeling the Wait
Philippians 4:4-7 "4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Do not be anxious! How is this even possible?
We have the daily worries of life and external demands weighing us down. So we learn to lean on our heavenly father for our daily bread. We learn he is our provider. Not our jobs, other people, or even ourselves. So we humble ourselves and surrender to his guidance and trust; or rather learn to KNOW that he will provide the tangible things that we need.
But what I find most difficult is not the finding peace while waiting for provisions, rather the waiting for life. You know, the things that you are anticipating to happen. Graduating from college, getting a job, finding a person to love and start a life with. All of the things that you know he is going to bless you with, but take time to develop.
Yes, I have to admit, I am not good with the waiting. Currently, He is providing my daily bread having me work as a substitute teacher. WHAT A TEASE! I spend all day in these rooms. Some are very well ran, others I am just DYING to get my hands on. Either way, I sit in the room and dream about how I would organize it. I look through the curriculum guides and ideas of lessons begin to pop in my head.
IT IS KILLING ME!!!
Everyday I am in a new school, and I wonder "how would I do in this grade? in this position? on this team?" I am driving myself bonkers dreaming of 'how it could be'. My eager anticipation has a tendency to morph itself into anxiety.
Yet I know better than to do this. Be anxious for nothing. But Yahweh, my soul is yearning so deeply for the end result of these last few years of hard work. I want a room. Why can't a school call me and hire me NOW!!!
So what do I do? How do I surrender this? I look to him. Not for an answer, or some magical remedy. HE is the remedy. I get lost in loving him and letting him love me. He is here, now. He wants to show me things, now. He wants to love me, now. "Rejoice in the Lord, again I say rejoice!" Turn my mind away from the things in this world and allow my heart to rejoice in the love that he has for me, and I have for him.
This is so not easy, until it is done. And someday, I am sure I will miss having all this free time where I can just sit back and be loved!
Do not be anxious! How is this even possible?
We have the daily worries of life and external demands weighing us down. So we learn to lean on our heavenly father for our daily bread. We learn he is our provider. Not our jobs, other people, or even ourselves. So we humble ourselves and surrender to his guidance and trust; or rather learn to KNOW that he will provide the tangible things that we need.
But what I find most difficult is not the finding peace while waiting for provisions, rather the waiting for life. You know, the things that you are anticipating to happen. Graduating from college, getting a job, finding a person to love and start a life with. All of the things that you know he is going to bless you with, but take time to develop.
Yes, I have to admit, I am not good with the waiting. Currently, He is providing my daily bread having me work as a substitute teacher. WHAT A TEASE! I spend all day in these rooms. Some are very well ran, others I am just DYING to get my hands on. Either way, I sit in the room and dream about how I would organize it. I look through the curriculum guides and ideas of lessons begin to pop in my head.
IT IS KILLING ME!!!
Everyday I am in a new school, and I wonder "how would I do in this grade? in this position? on this team?" I am driving myself bonkers dreaming of 'how it could be'. My eager anticipation has a tendency to morph itself into anxiety.
Yet I know better than to do this. Be anxious for nothing. But Yahweh, my soul is yearning so deeply for the end result of these last few years of hard work. I want a room. Why can't a school call me and hire me NOW!!!
So what do I do? How do I surrender this? I look to him. Not for an answer, or some magical remedy. HE is the remedy. I get lost in loving him and letting him love me. He is here, now. He wants to show me things, now. He wants to love me, now. "Rejoice in the Lord, again I say rejoice!" Turn my mind away from the things in this world and allow my heart to rejoice in the love that he has for me, and I have for him.
This is so not easy, until it is done. And someday, I am sure I will miss having all this free time where I can just sit back and be loved!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)