People are the work!

Can you recall a time when you were being refined? Although for me it seems to be a constant, there are times in my life that the flames of my refinement are a bit more intense. Currently I am in one of those times. This year has been difficult for me. I cannot define or identify why exactly, but I just knew the way things were going was no longer working. This is usually a good indicator that some refining; or pruning if you will; needs to take place in my soul.

Enduring, persevering or basically surrendering to the idea of this can bring forth a multitude of "fruit" or maturity in ones life, this post will focus on just one moment I have had recently. It was when a friend of mine asked me to read through a list of lies that we commonly tell ourselves and pick a few to find a truth to. "OK! I can do this! I LOVE truth," I thought to myself. And this is true. Speaking truth into a persons life or a situation. The profound prayers spoken in so many song lyrics. Shattering a lie and claiming FREEDOM is such a warrior type thing to me, and we all know how much I love to warrior up!

As I stepped up ready to speak truth into these lies, a serious problem was revealed. I was not seeing a list of lies. "Well that's true. So is that. Um, that's not really a lie..." were the thoughts coming out of my mind; my heart.

I was lost, I have no idea what to do with this list of "true lies"? 

Being determined to pursue the breakthrough I knew I so desperately needed, I spoke a truth into my life and tried to read the list again. "Lord, help to identify which of these statements I tell myself the most, NOT rationalizing why I think they are true, but just admitting that this statement is an internal dialogue that is a part of me." As I read through the list again, I began to mark up the page pretty good. After a few more reads I managed to narrow it down to what I felt were my big three statements that are currently affecting my thought life, and therefore my actions.

The first one is a deep wound that I have known is a lie for some time. Still it echos in my soul as the world feeds it with its judgement and critical spirits on a regular basis. Honestly I am not ready to talk about it yet, as I have no idea what the truth is. Another one that rang out to me, prompted more and more questions. More of a hopeful quest that the first one, still just a lot more to think through before I can articulate any TRUTH over it.

"People's emotions and needs are messy and get in the way of work," was the last one I decided to write down. Seriously though, how is this a lie? Sounds true to me. Reaching out to my friend I asked her, "How can I find a truth when I don't think it is a lie?" That is when I remembered her clarifying, "just because something is true, does not make it THE TRUTH." Huh?!?

The next two days I mediated; searching my heart, and the word on what the truth could be. I asked God to reveal to me, what is this truth that I need hear to comprehend this statement as a lie? 

After about a day I came up with "People need to know you care, before they care what you know." A good statement for sure, but I could tell that my heart was not satisfied with this. This was something I had come up with to combat the lie. It was not THE TRUTH that was going to set me free. Then out of no where these four words hit my heart as I heard them spoken clear as day, "People are the work!" The statement forced me to stop and be still, as there was nothing left to rationalize, argue or clear away. The statement was a truth. Powerful, non-debatable, eye opening, soul quenching truth.

I am now working to speak this truth as loudly and as often as I can. Meditating on its deeply profound beauty. I praise my God for giving this me, and hope it will be used wisely to refine me. Stay tuned...

He's in the Waiting...

It's 8AM on a Monday morning. And not just any Monday morning, it is the morning the district I am teaching in will begin their distance learning for thousands of kids. Yes in a short time our district has become a 1:1 technology based district and I have become a "teach from home" teacher. But that is not what this is about. This entry is about the 8 o'clock hour. I had an interview.

That's right, an interview. When I shared this with some of my prayer sisters they were all shocked, "I didn't know you were looking." and honestly I was not diligently seeking new employment. Teaching is my passion so we know I am not leaving that anytime soon. The school I am at is the only one I have ever taught at. I love them. They are my family. We have been through many tough times and amazing times of celebration together in the last eight years. Even though a change would better suit the path I want to take, leaving seems impossible.

So, how did I come to this moment in time where I am interviewing with another school within my district? I broke my laptop. Yup, the screen on my device shattered and I had to get a replacement. When I logged in, the browser went to a district home page I normally would not see due to my settings. It was there that bold type heading "JOB BIDS" jumped off the page and slapped me straight across the face. "CLICK ME!" I heard it shout. And so I did.

After navigating my way to the elementary teacher openings I was shocked to see that the only openings were for 3rd grade. WHAT?!?!? This to me is the BEST grade to teach. I have been wanting to go back to this grade pretty much since I left it four years ago. I have BEGGED my boss, but no openings at our school have been available. To make matters even better, one opening was on the side of town that was closest to me. So, I decided to go for it. Then, I GOT AN INTERVIEW!!!

Now it is 11 hours after the interview. An awful interview at that. First of all it was over a "Team" call. Of course because of COVID19, there are no face to face interviews. This is not good for me considering charm is one of my strongest qualities. Not very easy to charm people through a screen. To make matters worse, the internet was acting up. Glitching. Freezing. At one point I was even disconnected. I could not see any of them and they could not see me. I felt so detached. I cannot image how I sounded. Yuck!

Most likely I was the first interview of the day, and I am most certain the others went much better. I have not heard anything all day. In my experience these decisions are made and moved on rather quickly. I know that no news is good news, but after that interview I am thinking that they are going with another candidate. Fact is though, I do not know. I am just sitting here...in the waiting.

Do you know that song "Take Courage" where it says, "so take courage my heart, stay steadfast my soul, He's in the waiting. Hold on to your hope watch your triumph unfold, He's never failing." Man,  those are some strong truths to speak (or sing) over yourself aren't they?

So I sit here, in the waiting...with Him. He has spent the afternoon showing me the best of both worlds. He reminds me that in a few years when I finally go for my masters, I want to go for reading recovery. I have pondered having an ELL focus with that. He reminds me of the two summers I taught ELL summer school and how much I enjoyed the students and the teaching that I did. This new position would give me great experience with these things.

Then he turns it around and reminds we of how much I love the students and families and colleagues at my current schools. How much love and history and potential good times I have left to have there. I think of the students that I would have for the next two years, some I even had when they were in Kindergarten. They are my babies and how on earth could I leave them?

My soul screams out, "LORD! What are you telling me here. What am I to hope for?"  

"This," he gently replies. 

My hope, should be in Him. To be with him, to hear him. To laugh with him and cry with him. To allow him to open me up and show me the parts of me I keep loosing along the way. This. This waiting where all I hope for is for His will to be done. For life to be surrendered and used for His glory and my good. 

So I wait, and I rest that my the prayers that he "opens or shuts any door he wants to, so that I am guided to where I will be the best use for him." will be answered. In his time, not mine. Praise be.

Be Mindful...

I am an 80's baby. Things looked different back then, in so many ways. "Christianity" is not something that seems to be exempt from the influence of culture and let me tell you 80's Christians were something else. Protests and denial of ones self. Cults and battles between the different sects of the religion made it difficult to actually hear Jesus at all!

Many things were very black and white. It seemed that you were either raised very "worldly" or you didn't even get to have a TV in your house. There was no in between. Rock n' Roll was of the devil, who by the way just so happened to be Papa Smurf.  Mega-churches were the newest form of "communities", as if gathering more people in one place made it somehow better? We had NO time to think of other religions or ANYTHING they were a part of. The word "meditation" was a bad word, which i never fully understood as we are told to meditate on the word of God day and night. (Joshua 1:8)

Of course as it is with all things, there is some amazing things that happened. There was passion, strength. There was a voice given that perhaps wasn't there before, regretfully without much room to left for listening. Awe listening.

Do any of you do the "word of the year"? A few years back my good friend, and forever lunch date Sarah introduced me to the concept of having a "word of the year". The intent is for your "word" to replace the idea of  a new years resolution. Rather than set goals, generally the same ones every year, that too often are forgotten by February, we select a word that we want to focus on for the year. I could go one and on about this, but I will save that for another time.

I tell you this, because there are words that stick with me for well over a year. My life word for example if trust. Again, that is another thought for another time. For now I want to focus on that one word from before. The quiet word. One of the most difficult words for many for it is not just a word but an action. A lifestyle even, that has to be surrendered to. A word that requires self-control and empathy. You know the word I'm talk about? Listen. Yes, listen. Such a BIG word and an even bigger action.

I could probably write a book about this one word, but I want to focus in on one aspect of it. The aspect of making room to listen and more specifically room to discern WHAT we should listen to. . We have so many things coming at us all of the time. Trying to listen to all of these things could drive a person mad.

The Bible tells us in 2 Corinthians 10:5 to "take each thought captive". Each thought?  That 's exhausting just to think of, but what if we could make room. What if we could train our minds to slow down to even take SOME of our thoughts captive? How do we do this?

As an educator I have the privilege of being at the front line of molding minds. As a Christian I also have the privilege of watching God transform others and myself on a regular basis. It is amazing to watch how people become more and more aware of the amazing gifts God has given us. He doesn't ask us to do something that is impossible. He wouldn't advice us to take our thoughts captive, just so that we try and fail. He gave us minds to mold and grace to move in the process of doing so.

"Growth mindset" is a bring term used in education that refers to this. Another word, that so many have feared for so long...meditation. Yes we need to meditate. Better yet we need to be MINDFUL of what we are meditating on. Are we meditating on the truth of who Christ is and what our identity is in  Him? Are we meditating on the fact that if He has called us to do something NOTHING can stop us? Are we meditating on a culture of honor towards others as a way of bring glory to our God and good to those around us?

I hope we are. I hope we are being mindful of our words, how we spend our time, our reactions to the things around us, the interactions we have with our communities. Mindful of the rest of the world and what life may be like for them, not just what living our best life, in a sense that we are comfortable. Be mindful my friends!

Welcome Back Catherine...

It has been some time since I have posted on here. Not that I have not wanted to, but life has been very busy and the idea of blogging was pushed to the bottom of list of things to do. Perhaps forgotten about all together. I actually came across the blog a couple of months ago and pondered the proposal of a post or two, alas life's pebbles prevailed. Enter Covid-19...

This is not something that I am thankful for by any means, but I am trying to make the best of the pandemic that is isolating the world to their homes, and leaving us with a virtual reality vortex to connect through. Time is also no longer as much of an issue. I am still plenty busy, teacher's always are, but my time is more flexible. So, I hope to be able to take more time, to ponder and share with you in this place of pondering.

In the book by Jess Connolly, "You are the Girl for the Job" we are encouraged time and time again to listen to the voice of God. Do what he has asked of us, with boldness and courage. Not because of who we are, but because of who He is. He is my strength and my refuge and I know that I can do hard things, through Christ who gives me strength. For goodness sake, I have been raising a daughter (alone, but with a great support team) and teaching my pants off for over a decade now. He has been there all along giving me guidance and strength to pull this off. So why should I doubt that He can provide me the strength to sit here at my computer and share ideas, questions, experiences and thoughts with anyone who is willing to participate? I shouldn't. So here we go! For our good and His glory...