For the last four years, I have been on a journey. It was nearly four years ago about this time, when I felt the Lord was answering my prayers to be a stay at home mom. I heard quit plainly, you will quit your job and start an in home day care in August. Um, OK!!!
It was at this time that I began (what at that time I thought I knew) learning that it is God and God alone who is my provider. Not the job or my skills, for God provided me that job and the skills to do the job.
In the last four years I have spent many moments filled with anxiety about how my bills would be paid. All along, I knew that God was my provider, and that he did not lead me on this journey to let me fail. Still, not knowing where the money is coming for your mortgage, and the mortgage being due in two days....leads to a little bit of anxiety.
A lot of times it looked like this... me, face down in tears telling God "OK I trust you, but can you work your miracle more quickly next month. Please! I am growing tired of the not knowing." And sometimes he did and sometimes he didn't.
I am facing another summer, hopefully my last, of going through this emotional roller coaster ride of the unknown. But hwo unknown is it? He says he will provide. I believe him! I trust him! But still I ask, how much is my respobsiblity? Am I to go out and eagerly look for ways to make money? How much to I push? (Any thoughts would be greatly welcomed BTW)
I am not sure. I do know that I hope this summer I do not have to end up face down in tears. Perhaps I can learn to have a bit more confidence in what I know! That he is my provider, my love, my God, my Lord. He will provide and take care of it all. I do not have to know, I just have to wake up every morning ready to listen and follow his lead. Seek him first and all else will be added.
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